you know, it’s bad enough that i’m old enough for my body, which is in a particular rhythm during the work-week, to wake up at freakin 630 on a sunday morning insisting that i do it’s bidding. (i’m sure you know what i mean.) but…how frustrating is it that when i go back and lay down next to the best, snuggliest bed buddy ever, my mind decides to think about–not the menu for brunch today (one of my favorite things to do on a sunday…and oh the older son’s girlfriend is coming over this morning after we drop off the younger at church in town). not the need to call and try to negotiate a lower interest rate on my credit card. not the concern of finishing shooting pix of the clothes i’m gonna try and sell on ebay. and not the need to finish editing the husband’s final paper for his grad class in historical research.
ok, obviously i’m thinking about these things. but these things alone are not enough to get me out of bed, out of his embrace (which is also one of my favorite things about Sunday mornings). often, he wants to get up early on a sunday to work on the yard or get groceries before everyone else gets to the store or the younger son’s ride to church falls through and i have to get up to take him–which is just infuriating to me.
what’s actually propelled me out of bed?! it’s this damn blog! thinking about what to write about. wanting to get up and actually write. and ok maybe wanting to log in and see if anyone’s replied.
so…7:15 on a freakin sunday morning, i oblige my mind which will not go back to sleep and leave the warmth and comfort of my bed. i take my laptop outside, start some classical music and sit out here…
…listening to the crows have some kind of fight across the river…listening to the other unnamed bird freak out somewhere behind me….hearing the 70-year old neighbors rustling around their yard (wow. i’m up with the old neighbors.) catching the spendor of a blue crane flying over the river…hearing the fish occasionally jump up out of the river…….watching the birds finally eat out of the husband’s feeder (GOSH he would be so excited to see it but for whatever reason he’s still in bed asleep)…
…hearing the wind blow through the trees. (it finally rained last night and for texas in almost july, it’s amazingly mild…just 69 degrees…wow. it’s usually like already 90 degrees by now!)
my goodness it’s a beautiful morning …. and today–maybe for the first time in a couple years–i worship. not the kind of worship i was accustomed to for 35 years of my life prior to coming out….not a worship that my dear mother of almost 80 would ever endorse (although the kind i think my late biological mother would totally get and is smiling down on me, maybe even worshipping with me….) but the kind where i hear the symphony God has created for me to enjoy…reflecting on my own comparative insignificance and yet being reassured of how very significant i am to Him…realizing my many, many blessings.
so…i guess this blog isn’t so bad afterall.
while i may gripe about being up at 7 a.m. on a sunday morning, i am reminded of the words of Cicero,
Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.
(ok, i’m not really this deep; the quote came in a daily quotes email i get. this one did happen to come today.)
but, all good things must come to an end…time to get up and be a dad and husband. run into town. make breakfast. edit that paper. however, i’ll do it with a reassuring outlook that my God–the one who fearfully and wonderfully created me in my mother’s womb 40 years and 7 months ago, who made me blonde (allowed to eventually go grey dangitt), creative, goofy, loving, occassionally smart, and yes, even gay–loves me just like i was always told he did. after 38 years, i guess i am finally living like i believe it now.
have a blessed day.
PS: trying a co-worker’s monkey bread for new addition to sunday brunch today. yum!