what did i expect?
i tell how i feel and pretty much the feedback from people who i’d “lost contact with” (yes two-way street, i hear ya) is one of the following:
- telling me how i hurt them and how i didn’t make an effort to keep in contact. yeah, yeah, yeah. i hear ya…
- just more silence
since i started this “adventure,” i’ve gotten a couple of comments and a sweet letter from some women that at their root were very well intentioned and one post from a male friend who is obviously still struggling how to talk to me and/or process how he feels. i’ve gotten an email from another female friend that i keep a printed copy of out my desk to read from time-to-time because it’s just so the epitome of Christian love. and i’ve had some great private dialoge with grace. (altho some of the comments from one of her readers did frustrate me quite a lot!)
the thing is—i’m not writing to get anything from anyone. i’m just telling my story. for better or for worse. i guess i didn’t know what to expect…i still don’t.
so why am i frustrated?
i have replies i need to make–several started–and more things to share…
but i don’t want to right now.
is it because i’m really busy? ok yeah i’m busy but i have some spare time for writing.
is it because it’s painful? nope. not at all. regrets surface, but it’s actually very helpful to work through them and establish some dialogue.
i think the roadblock is struggling with saying what i think and feel without wondering/worrying if i’m going to offend anyone. i have some very pointed and specific things to say like other commenters seem unafraid to say in their comments to me. (i think that just means we’re all still really close friends to be able to do that.)
(of course i did jump back at JB that lady over at grace’s blog so go figure.)
grace says i need to quit worrying about what other people think (within reason of course) and just write/say what i feel as that’s the purpose of this blog-thing. maybe it’s just that the experience is exhaustive?
but i’m gonna go ahead and post bcz i haven’t posted in a while and i need to. i need to say SOMETHING in the interim while i try and decide what [else] to say.
so i will hit the “publish” button and not worry about how random this post really is.