where am i or where i am

yeah, i’m not really sure either.

a lot has been going on but i don’t know why i’m not writing about it. i AM busy but am i that busy? or am i still just avoiding?

  • i’ve been keeping in touch briefly with a friend whom  i miss (along with her fam) and think i catch glimpses of from time-to-time or “hear” in particular sayings (i.e. “Seriously.”). i should be writing about what it means to still hear from her and sometimes ache for days gone by.
  • i have this amazing cool blessed relationship with my sons who don’t live with me any longer. to just sit and chat…to feel that earnest hug….i am so fortunate.
  • i struggle with how to react when i see grace hurting and at times, struggling.
  • i am trying really hard (er, hardER) to make things happen for me professionally. erg.
  • i saw a “former best friend” the other day in the store. while the encounter was awkward at best, i was left with the thot of how very much i love and miss him. am i really so different and sinful and awful that friendship and relationship cannot exist? is this how it is to be?
  • i wonder how to help my friends who are addicted to facebook. i wonder if i am a hypocrite.
  • i have this really good friend whose marriage is ending but whose life is beginning again.
  • Adam. Alison. Finals. Get on with it already.
  • there’s this big event coming up at our former church and individually, we’re each looking forward to it but also– for some of the same and also for different reasons–there’s also anxiety. unresolved issues and the scars for all involved still tender. i hope that we will resolve much, gain some closure, and above all, walk away with son #3 reaffirmed in how much he is loved.
  • i need to explore why i blog, twitter, facebook, myspace, email, chat, and text and how those activities are related to my desire to be CONNECTED.
  • i started washing that grey right outta my hair again. Or. “I’m back on the bottle.” And.I.Love.It.
  • i wonder if writing about how blessed you are, how happy you are, how you are with someone you love so deeply who holds you and makes you feel like you’ve always wanted to feel is bragging and might make other people feel sad.
  • there’s all this DRAMA with the older son who just turned 18 and is acting every BIT of it. i know there are other people who have gone thru this.
  • i was ugly to a friend who i thot was being shallow and superficial. maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. but i was horrible which negates any complaint i had.
  • i love iTunes. i love the iPhone. i am an iAddict.
  • i’ve been going through old videos and pictures of the past 18 years and yet while struggling with occasional bouts of melancholy, i emerge from the hours and hours of nostalgia…not feeling regretful (altho i do have regrets). not feeling sad. But feeling SO HAPPY.

so yeah. there’s a lot going on. lots on my mind. i should write. yeah.

oh wait. someone just texted me. BRB

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