going forward

so we’ve been on the road for a couple hours. I’ve been emailing, tweeting, and facebooking (imagine that) while Mitchley drives the first leg. we’ve been getting to know each others’ musical tastes (we’re on the Tremaine and Musiq stream right now) and chatting.

fortunately, mitch enjoys solitude so it’s easy for him to be patient while I blog (my first on the app). (otherwise I fear my chattiness might drive him crazy!)

I feel compelled to go a bit deeper on yesterday’s post after reading the generous comments it received.

i am not (we are not–I think I can speak for both of us) on this journey to receive answers or acceptance or affirmation from this man who, in a moment of passion or lust decades ago, contributed to our existence.

for me, I am merely going on the path the universe propels me down at just this moment in time. while I have a couple objectives, I have no lofty expectations.

I want to look into the eyes of this man and see if I see myself–much as I did the very first time I looked into the eyes of my baby brother, Michael. if I happen to also see love reflected from them, then that’s great.

I am not going on this trip to try and reclaim the long-lost father-som relationshp I never had my entire life. i do want to spend a little time with this man because I feel like he may need this more than we do. fortunately I am doing this at a time in my life where I fully accept and love myself so I don’t believe I will be hurt.

ultimately, I believe this simply to be another step forward in my journey. one I willingly take. and one that I know will broaden my experience, enhance my self-discovery, and deepen my bond with my siblings.

3 thoughts on “going forward

  1. I feel as if I am with you when guys when I read these blogs. I am really proud of you if a little sister is allowed to be proud of a big brother. Like I said you might be suprised about the weight that is lifted from this experience. I spoke with bio dad last night and he is ready for the experience to be a positive one. You all might be nervous (as he is too), and remember to accept however you feel when you see him. I will be with you heart and soul at 2. Love you, Todd and Mitchly too (love that name)! Keep up the blog, so good to hear your voice. Kathy

  2. Thanks T for posting on your blog, like Kathy, I feel like I’m there with you both, sitting on your shoulder driving through the beautiful scenery of the MidWest. Thank you technology. What would we do without it? Your honesty touches me. I agree with you when you say, “I do want to spend a little time with this man because I feel like he may need this more than we do.” How fortunate is he to have had such a child that grew into an adult who thoughtlessly puts others before himself. I believe all of us have this quality, but to see it in black and white reaffirms that we are related. I cannot wait to meet you big brother. Love to you and Mitch, aka, Mitchley. LOL.

  3. you two girls are so sweet.
    comments like this almost make me want to withdraw the urge to pull your pigtails and run!

    love you both so much!

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