sadness in her eyes


I do not see myself in her eyes at all.

instead, I see a sadness that evokes far deeper wounds than mere circumstance.

altho none of us visibly favors our mutual father (save Mitchley’s hands) it is her sadness that makes her resemble him most of all.

she managed some smiles but they seemed to have been mustered from a happy place she never knew or had lost hope of long ago.

she has worked hard to get what she has and seems to earn it in a manual labor type job that seems far beneath someone with the dainty nose and slight chin of a princess.

she has experienced pain–her body and her heart.
she has felt abandon.
she has suffered loss–a recent one still evokes tears.

her daughter–born while she was very young–seems to comptise the little hope she has left.

that, and the little house she’s in the process of purchasing. the one she can again call her own and plant flowers and give them care.

those things brought her a smile.

the youngest of all by a decade, she looks like the oldest, weary from the pain of life.
and it makes my heart break for her.

I want to reach her. I want to hug her.
but she pulls back quickly from our goodbye hug as if afraid to get too close lest I abandon her too.

I have heard my sisters express a similar sentiment about her. generally a staunch advocate of remaining in the positive, I find myself struggling to find joy. to the credit of our brother–the Realist of our family–he was not focused on her sadness but rather her beauty and that of her daughter.

I cannot shake the sadness that was in her eyes. few wrinkles have invaded her tiny face but she has seen pain, I believe, beyond us all.

she is the flower in our family that needs the most love and care and nuture.

I believe we are in time.

I pray we are.

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6 thoughts on “sadness in her eyes

  1. We are in time, Todd. She needed us the most of all, if she will let us love her and gain her trust. It is an uphill road, but I believe we can get there with her. I agree with all of what you say in this blog about her, and Jenn and I have seen it too. So glad you met her and so impressed with your insight about her. Have a safe trip home. Elmo and Cookie monster and Big bird said hello! We had a great day.

    Love,
    Your sis Kathy

  2. There can be little change without hope. Stay positive. Continue to bring consistent, positive energy into her life and I bet you’ll start to see a change in the way she responds to you. It won’t be easy, but nothing worth having ever is.
    Safe travels to you and your brother!

  3. If anyone can show that life is not over and that things that matter will start to fill her past angst, it’s you. I’m not talking about blowing sunshine, but a real hope that people that care are back in her life. Never too late, never surrender. That’s the Todd that give me hope for me.

  4. God really knew that when he called Cher home and away from you…He KNEW you would never be alone again…
    you have gained a bounty far greater than anything any of us could have ever imagined…ever imagined! Keep loving, Todd. You have an endless supply of the stuff…give it freely and unconditionally, as He gives it to you…just be a vessel for His love…as it conquers all. xxoo BAC

  5. comments like the ones on this post help affirm the reason the Universe has put me where it has in just this particular time.

    Aunt C–the love just seems to poor out (even for poor Dennis); from where i do not know but there is so much of it and it makes me so happy. mom was like that, huh? you and Aunt D certainly are. What lovely models you all are.

    Skooter–friends like you who are honest and real give me hope, as well. i’m glad my own experiences of a non-perfect life can show others there is ALWAYS reason to hope!

    Joe–the charge you give me is one my sisters and their husbands are already underway with. their love and compassion inspire us all.

    And Sissy–I’m glad to know you and I share the same heart…

  6. T, finding more brothers and sisters seems to me to be kind of like having more children…………the more of them you have, the more your capacity to love increases. You are being blessed more and more as you find your family members and I know that you, Mitch, Jenn, and Kathy will be able to show Sarah the same thing – that this family that you now know will never let her down, will love her for who she is. Then, when her capacity to love increases, so will her capacity to trust. And the sadness will fade…………

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