i noticed this tweet in my timeline Thursday via @Aaliyon:

Your first instinct is mostly GOD trying to tell you. Your second instinct is the Devil TRYING to interupt and distract.

the terms used in the quote are very much the ones i was raised with based on a 3-layered existence: us on the earth, a divine being up in the clouds walking on gold-paved streets and another being below ruling a lake of firey hell. those images notwithstanding–and with a bit of modification–i believe there is significant merit to this parable.

each of us was created with purpose, with unique gifts and talents in a combination making us unlike anyone else. somewhere along the way, though, due to a variety of circumstances, many of us don’t fully act out our purpose. development of that purpose becomes stunted. and we become afraid.

why is that?

call it God and the devil.

call it the Good Angel and Bad Angel on your shoulder

I call it my Inner Self (or True Self) and its Evil Alter Ego the False Self.

the former is the voice the Universe (God, Allah,  Source, or whatever you call it) placed in each one of us to guide us through life and help us use all these bells and whistles (talents) we’ve all been given. The latter is a copy–an unreasonable facsimile–of our True Self; loosely based on the original, but not authentic.

the True Self holds the blueprint of the potential we possess. only as we grow and experience life do many of us begin to doubt that potential that’s only just begun to evolve.

we become jaded. discouraged.

and we forget.

over time, we passively give life and breath and worst of all: POWER to our False Self. not only do we fail to heed the “first instinct” of our True Self, we become unable to discern between the voices, not knowing which is the original.

blame it on society. on culture. on parents, teachers, and peers. but before we know it, our False Self is running the show. Distracting us from our purpose. Interrupting the development our inner creation intuits.

a few years ago, i reached a point in my life where i finally stood up and shouted:

hey now! wait a minute! hold on! (what movie?)

i was weary of that other voice and how i’d allowed it to quash my potential. i’d allowed other illegitimate voices influence me as well. so many voices in my head, united, saying so many unhelpful, destructive things.

“you’re not good enough.”
“you’ll never be man enough.”
“different is bad.”
“queer.”
“you can’t.”
“it’s impossible.”

and perhaps worst of all:

“you’re not really loved.”

all of them false witnesses against my True Self. none of them useful for happiness, fulfillment, or joy.

discerning the voice of my True Self–and trusting its Instinct–is still a struggle. old habits and all. I’m doing better each day. each week. each year.

i’ve gotten a few glimpses of that blueprint and it’s pretty awesome. purposefully turning a deaf ear to the whispers of that False self is a habit worth practicing.

in fact, sometimes i can hardly hear it.