there are so many reasons i love twitter, for how it expands the circle of friends and experiences i can learn from. here’s another reason why.
about a year ago i was in a conversation with a former tweep (@TweetwithStone) about several things. i no longer remember what we were talking about. anyway, the conversation must’ve centered on me discussing the toxic nature of my previous relationship and the nature of trying to “change” people from gay to straight.
anyway, this post has been sitting in my draft folder, just waiting to be shared. hopefully it will be of help to someone who needs it.
from Tuesday 23rd February 2010
if you’re gay, you’re gay. and there will be liars and bad ppl and ppl who will hurt you on EITHER side.
and all men are NOT bad / liars / evil. we’re not all bad.
and the ex-gay ministries, etc.: even the APA says that’s bad to try and make ppl change….*and* talk about FULL OF LIARS AND BULLSHIT…he thinks the gay world is bad–that world is worse. TRUST ME.
And FYI: the secret to being ex-gay is not a miracle. not a cure. it is simply people who are WILLING to change their mindset and live with it and WILLFULLY live a str8 life, deny/hide/bury their desires, perhaps learn to appreciate new desires…but my belief is that they’re never really no longer gay.
stone provided some extra reinforcement to what i already believed. see, i myself could not change. i just couldn’t. the miracle i prayed for (“cure me from my gayness” or is it “gayoisity”) never happened. or, as a former best friend pointed out: maybe i didn’t really want the miracle in the first place.
he was right.
the miracle i was given, in spite of what i thought i wanted, was this:
i am finally happy with myself.
and i actually LIKE myself. a lot.
no, i’m not saying i’m perfect. i’m saying i no longer dislike myself for this particular part of me that never was what society and religion tried to make me think i should’ve been.
i do believe in the possibilities of miracles and significant changes that defy reasonable explanation. for me, tho, i’m just not convinced there’s ever true conversion from gay to straight. i believe it can be, as my tweep pointed out, willful (reminds me of someone who used to blog) and determined.
but for me, no longer denying my true self not only changed my life. it saved it.