i (too) have a dream

i too have a dream that one day, no one will ever hate anyone. that there will be no such thing as hate.

“I have decided to stick with love.
Hate is too great a burden to bear.”
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

that one day no one will care whether someone is white or heterosexual or young or handicap-free or wealthy. that everyone will respect everyone else simply as fellow members of the human race.

“People, I just want to say, you know, can we all just get along?”
~Rodney King

that one day people will abandon prejudice and choose kindness and respect.

“I think everyone should love everybody.”
~Andy Warhol

that one day, instead of condemning people or ignoring the poor, people will let their actions speak for their god.

Love others as well as you love yourself.

it wasn’t that long ago that I realized in order for any of those dreams to ever have a hope of occurring, they first had to occur within me.

I had—actually, have—to abandon hate. yes, forgive, eventually. but hate no longer.

Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only  by love.


I could no longer hate the high school kids who surrounded me in the bathroom stall and harassed me when I was a kindergartner. nor could I hate the countless other bullies throughout my life, including the classmates who started calling me “gay” in 5th grade, the 8th grader who would pummel me over and over in football practice with a vengeance, or the grown men who to this day sneer “faggot” when they look at me. I couldn’t hate the man who I thought didn’t want to be my father after he found out I was conceived any more than I could hate the man who adopted me, dumped me off on his parents to raise, called me “sissy” as I grew up, and then resented me my entire life for having a better life than he had. I could bear no hate toward the minister who hurt me or the adults who let me be hurt. I couldn’t hate the woman who left our children when they were babies nor I could I hate the people who abandoned my family when I made the bravest decision of my life. and i cannot hate the man who led me along, hurt me, and abandoned me when things got tough.

and it also means I cannot hate myself for how I’ve hurt others, how I’ve let people down, how I’ve suffered major lapses in character and integrity, or because I think I am inferior or in any way less than a wonderful creation.

it means I have to purposefully work toward getting along with others, including stupid people (inside joke) and that I can never view anyone as inferior.

and it means that I too must be colorblind (I believe I’ve got this one down), free of prejudice, and nonjudgmental .

[for example, it’s far easier to just assume people are against you. as a good friend shared with me tonight: “you never know when someone you’ve judged to be against you has been secretly pulling for you the whole time.”]

I’ve come a long way in my life, overcoming the impairment I’ve allowed hate to inflict. in fact, it’s funny how most items on my “hate” list are no longer candidates–including, finally, the one I still bore a grudge against. I pause and consider that I may be becoming  fairly healthy in that I really do not hate all that much.

getting along with some people (particularly stupid people) and avoiding passing judgment, though, continue to take a bit more practice.

so on this day when we Americans commemorate the life and dream of a man who I believe stands for all oppressed peoples, I heartily register my “amen!” to letting go of hate and to being one step closer to seeing my dream fulfilled:

“Hatred paralizes life;
love releases it.
Hatred confuses life;
love harmonizes it.
Hatred darkens life;
love illuminates it.”
~Martin Luther King

indeed, it does.

14 thoughts on “i (too) have a dream

  1. Reading your blog, I get a sense of a man who has overcome
    much, is still struggling, yet has tasted triumph and has valuable
    life lessons to share. I want to thank you for being open and
    sharing with us. You are a wonderful example (don’t know how you’ll
    take “role model”) for younger gay men, just by living a positive

    • “example” is ok 🙂

      I’ve begun to realize that struggling to be better may never end. but is that such a bad thing?

      I guess the hope is that it gets a little easier along the way? (:

  2. Very nice and inspiring post Tod! I agree love is the way
    and answer, but more importantly, it has to start inside each
    individual and radiate outwards to others. Yes, love and

    • happy emotions, right?!!
      it’s ppl like you with your very special gifts of joy and happiness that will change the world!

      • Of course happy emotions! …people like me, constantly
        struggling to be better, while hoping to encourage those around us
        to stay true to themselves! Beth needs to start buying her mascara
        in bulk like I do…much cheaper that way.

      • it’s worth the struggle and we, the Universe, appreciate you!

        I’ll look into some kinda Mascara co-op….

  3. Ugh I can no longer read your blog, Todd. Mascara is just
    too expensive and every time I read these I get all teary-eyed!
    Each time I see that you’ve added a new entry I get excited and
    nervous. Excited because I love to read your writing but nervous
    because the feelings you talk about just knock the wind out of me.
    So few people can talk about their raw emotions with the openness
    that you do. Sometimes I fail to comment on purpose because I read
    something that i think you didn’t mean for people to see. Then I
    think, “don’t respond! He’ll know you were reading this private
    story!” but I know you have to write honestly because someone will
    see it and know that you know how they feel. That applies to me
    too. I can read this and know that you understand what I may be
    going through or worrying about.

    • beth: awww sweetie!
      please feel free to read these “private thoughts” … consider them… comment on them … and share them if you so desire.

      for me, mine is a story that my soul is ready to tell, for whatever reason. so I’m just putting it out in the Universe.

      as for the mascara–you’ve given me an idea:


  4. i love you. i LOOOOVE love LOOVVE you!!! Always and forever
    because of WHO you are and HOW you are!!! I’m finally catching up
    and getting reconnected at a different level. I’ve started blogging
    again!!!! YES!!! You always inspire me. We will be in our 80s and
    trying to figure out the next thing (no we won’t we’ll have it
    figured out)…but…You’ll still be inspiring me and I hope…I’ll
    still be inspiring you. Again. I LOVE you.

    • thank you for your love, GRACE, patience, and teaching me so much.

      you’ll always be my favorite ex-wife (Hahahahaa) and we’re gonna ROCK that nursing home some day!

      love you!!

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