instead of my usual blog, i’m going to indirectly let one of my best friends and “sister by choice” Julie co-blog today.

Julie is salt-of-the-earth people and does not lie or even embelleish. what i’m posting below is a true story that happened to her this week. it takes place in the small texas county i’ve lived in my entire life and in the city where I live since 1988 and have raised my children their whole lives. the names have been changed to protect the guilty and the name of the church omitted but only because Julie asked me; otherwise, i’d include the URL and phone number of the church.

i am not going to issue my opinion on the story because all of you who know me already know exactly what i think. i will let you all draw your own conclusions–which I hope you will take time to post as a comment.

disclaimers: 1) this is not my old church. 2) I know not all Christians are like this, thank goodness. 3) this kind of mindset is not limited to small towns or small churches.

enjoy.

I was totally appalled today.

I went to the hospital to sit with a Friend and the preacher of smalltownchurch was there with Friend’s parents.

We started with surface chat, polite enough. I could tell this was a person that I would not normally give two seconds of my time in different circumstances – but hey, even I can be polite, I’m even trainable…

The main thing that bugged me about him was his desire to SPEAK constantly, and to cut off anyone that tried to speak. Oh, yeah, he has a MAJOR bump on himself, a big festering disgusting bump…

The Elton John adoption came on the news. He stopped mid-sentence, pinned his eyes on the TV, issued a line of expletives, and then proceeded to tell the entire waiting room that he would buy the bullets if someone would just round up all the little faggots.

The preacher
of a local church
the preacher who likes to be heard
the preacher who has a captive audience at least two times a week

I was mortified. Friend and I exchanged nervous glances—I didn’t know what she would say or do, and she knew I was packing my new concealed carry pet in my bag… and she knows how murderous this shit makes me. (I didn’t draw on him 🙂 altho there is no ignorance that lead poisoning can’t cure…)

I just leaned over and touched his knee to get his attention and said “Brother Jeb, all of my real brothers are gay, and I would appreciate you keeping your opinion of my family to yourself, or at least take it to your little pulpit where you get a paying audience for your side show.”

And that, my friends, drawled out in a nice sweet southern accent, is what Val calls “the bubbly backhand”… so sweet, you think you want another dose even tho it stung like hell 🙂

brother Jeb shut up
clammed up
you could literally hear his jaws clamp
and then the teeth ground a bit

He stood up, cleared his throat like he just threw up in his mouth a little, and left the room.

when he came back about 30 minutes later, he sat on the opposite side of the room and would not even make eye contact.

So at the end of the day when Friend’s mom was pronounced very, very well, brother Jeb decided to conduct a pharisaical prayer, beckoning all his flock (there were a bunch of people in attendance to support the family)…

oh, yeah, I did it… I jumped up and wiggled my way in just next to him and grabbed his paw… bubbly backhand #2: hold my hand and pray to your god and publicly be proud of your intense hatred, you jerk…. I didn’t say it.

I didn’t have to.

So as the day closed and I started to leave, I went directly to brother Jeb to tell him how nice it was to meet him, and how much I truly appreciated his honoring of my request… and then with a big grin I said “I betcha I know what your Sunday sermon will be… have fun as you slaughter me and all my brothers… they are bigger men than you will ever be. What do you think the Lord of light, patience and love would say if he was sitting in your flock? bye bye now!!”

Todd, don’t go NEAR smalltownchurch!!! You may the used as an example!!! and the rest of my real brothers, raise a glass to the fact that you know who you are and can sleep well at night!

so y’all know what?
excluding funerals, i have been to church one time since i came out in august 2006. i think it might just be time to go to church in the morning. and smalltownchurch might just be the place to go.

with my black boyfriend.
And my loyal friend Julie, of course.