he is both the antithesis of my desire and its embodiment.
i have seen him before. known him intimately.
after all this time and all the pain, I can halt neither the depth of my desire nor the extent of my loathing.
he is here only to be seen.
and be desired.
and I desire.
the disgust rises as does my intrigue.
he does not know I am alive.
and he wants to make sure i know it.
therein lies the paradox that makes him at once attractive and repulsive.
i am aware, at least.
and i walk away.