he is both the antithesis of my desire and its embodiment.

i have seen him before. known him intimately.

after all this time and all the pain, I can halt neither the depth of my desire nor the extent of my loathing.

he is here only to be seen.
and be desired.

I see.
and I desire.

the disgust rises as does my intrigue.

he does not know I am alive.
and he wants to make sure i know it.

therein lies the paradox that makes him at once attractive and repulsive.

i am aware, at least.
and i walk away.

this time.