if you’re here now reading this because you think this is that bold, controversial post i’ve been talking about, well, you’re going to be disappointed.

this post is just about something that occurred to me and if i don’t share it now, it’ll become yet another one of those blog drafts (i have like 27) that i never get around to perfecting and then never post.

as i was talking to a new friend about wanting to post the hilarious and absolutely clever texts i’d sent him that he liked, it occurred to me that wow…i sure do love to talk about myself.

and then it made me wonder… geeze… am i really so shallow? is my self-esteem so low that i must constantly talk about what i like, talk about people i like, over-share every facet of my life, post every funny thing that occurs to me, be a member of every single social networking tool i can (except foursquare which i think is a total waste of time), be so consumed by posting my likes on pinterest that i could spend hours and hours if i had the time pinning things, and wish i could keep up with all of my friends FB pages and tweets…and on and on.

but…my life is funny, right? people want to know what i have to say because i’m interesting, yeah? or is it that i’m really so fcuked up so it makes them feel better about their own lives? i dunno.

i feel like a lot of my “virtual self-expression(TM)” is a way to live my life and share my metamorphosis beyond the “local” barriers that don’t constrain me in a virtual world. i wonder if i’m rather like a baby who’s discovered his voice and babbles on and on, amused at the sound of his own voice. or if i’m like that obnoxious teenager who’s gaining awareness of his power and hunger for liberty that he says what’s on his mind, screw the world. or that dumb guy everyone pities because he says whatever comes to his mind however unfunny or inappropriate. or that guy who’s felt beaten down his whole life and is finally pissed off enough to finally start talking about it.

or maybe a combination of all of the above.

maybe it indicates that my self-esteem is actually in check and that i express myself online in much the same way i do in what i wear, how i wear my hair, and even how i dance.

ok not how i dance.

but my point is …

this.is.me.

this is my life and as much as it challenges me and frustrates me and maddens me and depresses me, it’s still pretty freakin awesome. i’m sitting here smiling at this 76-message thread on facebook with these just DELIGHTFUL women…watching one of my sons text his GF…and in this this chat with this guy who’s makin me smile…and following up on a twitter conversation i had with a bunch of guys this afternoon about something that simultaneously embarassed and tantalized me…reflecting on recent yahoo chats with a sister and a brother who uplifted me…and oh yeah a just-now twitter DM from a dude i’m really feelin’….and OMG have you seen my pinterest???

so…sure. i’m all about the shameless self-promotion.

and i’m proud of it.

(note: i just wrote this and immediately hit publish, raw and unedited…to prove that i could actually do it haha)