both of them.

see, i was blessed in life to have not one but two mothers. one gave me life while another would provide a life. sadly, at age 46, i am without both of them–at least physically.

above, with my mother Cher and my baby brother, 2005
below, with my mother Gloria and my sons’ mother, 2006

anyone who knew either one of them would tell you of their good nature, their smiles, their fervor for those they love, their compassion.

despite the first’s choice to trust another family to provide what she felt she could not, there was not a day she did not think of or pray for me.

despite the fact that i was not the second’s natural-born son, there was not a day she did not think of or pray for me.

they both loved (love) me deeply, passionately, proudly, and defensively. to the end of their physical lives, i was in relationship with each of them and beside each when she passed.

do you know what a blessing that was? to be among the last to hold their hand, comfort them, assure them all would be well and that i would see them soon.

i miss them both so deeply–yet i am not filled with sorrow. i feel them every day: their affirmation. their love. and from time-to-time, that “knowing motherly glance” as if to say

michael todd whitley :
i know you are better than that.
or
i taught you better than that.

and always, every day, i feel them smile on me. that feeling is an ever-present reminder of just how wanted and loved i was.

just exactly as i am.

happy mother’s day mom and mother.

i’ll see you soon.